No, the reflection doesn’t lie. I have looked better in the past.
The mirror installation in Manchester City centre reminding us that we have looked better made me laugh. It is funny because it is true. Imagine all the drunk people day in day out that stare at their unkempt reflections at night after one too many pints of beer or glasses of wine, blurry eyes squinting in the hope of getting a better outcome.
For years the thought that I had looked better in the past has been poking my head on birthdays, during oestrogen lows, before parties, or presentations, on a Sunday afternoon in front of the TV. Name a place. I have had that thought there.
However, in recent years another thought has been tiptoeing in my head more frequently, pleading for attention. The thought that I have never felt better about who I am, even if the baseline was low at times. I realise that I like the person I am today more than the person I was when my shell was shiny and new.
So allow me to wheel out the cliche that encourages us to look for the beauty within. It so happens that I do find equilibrium by looking inwards every time I look outwards. I see someone who is gentler, more compassionate, self-aware, and loving. I see someone who is ageing with acceptance of what was, what is and what will be.
“The only way to vitality is a broken heart” said Andrew Garfield on New York Times’ Modern Love podcast earlier this month. His reflection resonated strongly with my current state of being and makes me think of vitality that comes within. The loss of loved ones or a marriage that I have accumulated over the years and the grief and sorrow that surround this loss have not only carved lines and wrinkles on my skin, but also opened my heart wide to the suffering of others.
Nowadays I tune into people more fully, see them more whole and recognise the beauty in their flaws. I trust that every next generation has a greater capacity for kindness than the preceding one and so I pray that we come out of these punishing isolationist and insular times, sooner rather than later and with no more human cost than already sustained. How is that for a birthday wish?
